Okay okay I know I've been away (yeah like anyone is reading this but still...)so today I enlighten all of you who mysteriously have to go to the loo five times during a scary film and are kind enough to not make other people stop the film while you leave the room.

The best thing you people can do is to watch classic horror movies, y'know the ones made before special effects were like real life if real life included creatures eating your brains while you sit on the toilet. Actually I bet that gave you quite a conundrum when you saw The Relic didn't it? "Well I can't stay and watch it and I can't go to the bathroom in case a mummy eats my brains" that's a tricky one Pat. So my suggestions for those who need to distinguish the boundaires between fatasy and reality are:

Psycho - the one with the chocolate sauce. This is a classic Alfred Hitchcock movie made in black and white which ultimately has the effect of distancing you from the horror. The blood's just not as red in black and white. The best thing about this film is that once you've watched Psycho you can see if you can work up the nerve to watch the sequels which emerge in colour and are more psycho analyst than anything. Finally when you've managed to sit through these without having to pretend there's a hamster dancing on your bladder you can attempt to watch the recent re make of Psycho.

Salem's Lot - A movie adapted from the master of horrendous death himself, Steven King. In no way is this scary at all. If you tape it from the tv it comes in two parts so you can even have a legitamate break. The book is far better than the film version and in my opinion there should have been a re make long before now.

The Fog - A long time a go some lepers tried to settle near a peaceful little village and brought treasure with them so the villager's main authourities (priest included) went out and murdered them all taking the gold to develop the town. Then later a mysterious fog begins to descend on the village and suddenly descendents of the killers and found dead. Not scary until later you realise a similar mysterious fog is surrounding your house. The best scene is probably the one where the woman in the lighthouse is cornered on the roof or where the priest explodes. Question: Why in all these classic films is there always an endearing little boy who makes friends with a rough old rapscallion?

There you go then now you too can enjoy Halloween in it's true meaning.

Tomorrow provided I can get onto the computer I'll be talking about one of the best films in creation Silence of the Lambs. Life just seems all the better when there's a crazed fictional cannibal on the loose.

Richard Laymon's Beast House trilogy consists of "The Cellar", "The Beast House" and "The Midnight Tour" (my personal favourite). It combines gore with erotic elements and could probably be described by "literary people" as trash; still, some people with their eyes shoved up their private parts will try to tell you that Steven King isn't a good writer just to be seen as edgy. We don't listen to people who are stupid.

To summarize the trilogy they are all based around this house where a half man half animal beast once attacked and killed a whole family leaving only one frightened woman to tell the tale. She then opens up the house "The Beast House" (well duh) as a tourist attraction. The story of Sandy and her mother are interwoven into the books when they reach the house while they are on the run from Sandy's abbussive father. There's plenty of limb detatchment and the good guys don't always win which is a theme that makes the books even more psychologically thrilling because it contains the idea that bad things happen to good people for little or no reason. There's also a bunch of human interest woven in once the initial story has been told in the first book. Soon you become unsure of which characters comprise the good side or if there even are any bad people in this cast of characters.

Another of Richard Laymon's books, which may be more typically horrific and therefore more suitable for an all out dark night Halloween, is "Out are the Lights". This book is about a guy who makes films where the victims are actually harmed. Most of the main fears of all human are incorporated into this book (being tampered with while you are under anaesthetic, a crazy axe murderer at your campfire, loosing limbs, being buried alive etc). It's a book that guareentees you'll remeber to pee before you go to bed and never venture out from underneath the covers during the night.

Tomorrow we'll be looking at what to do if you love Halloween but scare really easily. You can still enjoy the dark I promise.

Just so I can see if my changes have worked I'm going to give you lucky people something extra for today.
Taken from "Two of a Kind" starring Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen here's a Halloween trick. Have a party and wait until someone falls asleep (or just passes out from drunkeness) then tape them to the floor and tell them that the house is on fire.

*Note that the authour of this blog is not telling you to do this or in any way ;) condoning this action*

We begin our series of Halloween media with:
IT - Steven King

Steven King is, of course, the man everyone turns to at the time they need a horror fix. Personally I usually find his books well written but not particularly scary but IT is a definate must for Halloween. The book contains all the classic elements of a good horror story: freaky clowns, suicide, the ultimate power of evil and little kids being murdered. There's no drippy little moral inserted into this book it's pure scare you to a mental institution shit and in my view the film should have been re made long before now. This is definately my top pick for all and all out freaky. The best bit is that it's probably even scarier for men to read because there are constant references to the clown making the kids peckers drop off :)

Two other Steven King books I would recommend for Halloween are:

Four Past Midnight
Insommniacs

Tomorrow we'll be looking at a man who has been highly recommended by Steven King; Richard Laymon (previously Richard Kelly) and his wide selling Beast House trilogy as well as what I think is his scariest book "Out are the Lights".

That bit so I'm back with a new look orange background, black text, magenta border. Hmm I might put a Missgirl banner in here as well if I can figure out how and a picture of a black cat.

Okay I think this might be working now. Thanks to the girl at Missgirl who told me how to get it working. Welcome finally to my blog. There are 17 days left in the run up to Halloween and you will be getting a new Halloweeny type shot each of those days if this continues to work.

Hi there.

I was flicking through a cheap (not so cheap actually; it cost £2.00) teenage magazine today and everything was going fine. I was getting my daily recommened amount of trashy reading material and the magazine people were sitting in their swivel chairs singing the song about gold from Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. Then suddenly I reached the reviews page and realised that once again, in the month featuring Halloween as its headlining star the books chosen were sadly craptastic. On Halloween there should be spine chilling classics with a large helping of gore and guts not Point Horror and commercial spell books teaching young girls how to do the come hither stare. Magazines just have no taste (do you see the clever little link to the title there?).

So that's why this blog has been created along with its Halloween themed colour scheme. I'll be bringing you books, music, films and anything else that I partiuclarly love. In the lead up to Halloween I'll be finding horror books worth the time you took out to actually sit down during the day. I promise non of these books will leave you worrying about the essay you should have done last week or the finance report due in soon.

So cya soon.